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The path to parenthood is rarely a straight line, but for Ashley and John Russ, it became a grueling, decade-long obstacle course defined by heartbreak and stringent legal barriers. When the couple first decided to start a family, they optimistically assumed nature would take its course. However, after years of trying without success, they sought medical help. At 38, Ashley received the devastating news that her egg count was low and her fallopian tubes were blocked, making natural conception impossible. Their next step was IVF, a process they hoped would provide a solution. Yet, after three grueling rounds of treatment, they were left with only a single viable embryo, making the dream of a biological child feel perilously fragile. This one embryo represented their only chance to have a child who was genetically both of theirs.
With that precious embryo as their only hope, the Russes turned to gestational surrogacy, where another woman would carry their baby. However, they faced a significant hurdle: at the time, compensated surrogacy was illegal in their home state of New York. The law was a relic of a bygone era, forcing intended parents into a legally murky and financially draining landscape. They would have had to work with a surrogate in a state where the practice was legal, requiring them to travel for every medical appointment, legal meeting, and ultimately, the birth itself. As Ashley explained, the process would have meant choosing an agency in a “surrogate-friendly state,” traveling there for every step, and staying in an Airbnb for weeks after the baby was born—a logistical and financial nightmare on top of the already immense emotional toll of their fertility journey. It was a barrier that made an already difficult dream seem almost impossible.
Their fortunes changed in February 2021, when New York finally passed the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA), legalizing gestational surrogacy. This landmark legislation opened the door for countless families, including the Russes. Feeling a surge of hope for the first time in years, Ashley contacted surrogacy agencies and soon found an unexpected and heartwarming solution. Through a mutual friend, she was introduced to a woman named Barb. The two connected instantly, and it turned out Barb was already a surrogate. This personal connection not only made the process more intimate and comfortable but also helped reduce the overall cost, which can typically run anywhere from $150,000 to $175,000. For the Russes, this serendipitous meeting was the light at the end of a very long tunnel, culminating in the birth of their son, Chandler, whom they affectionately nicknamed “Angel Barb” in honor of their incredible surrogate.
The new law also brought clarity and protection to the process, something that was desperately needed. Gina-Marie Madow, Director of Legal Services at ConceiveAbilities, explains that the CPSA established a comprehensive framework, including a bill of rights for gestational carriers to ensure they are fully protected and informed. It also mandates that intended parents cover the surrogate’s health insurance for a full year after the child is born. The law addresses the need for thorough and sometimes uncomfortable conversations before the process even begins, covering hypothetical scenarios and ensuring all parties are aligned. While the law provides a solid structure, the emotional complexities of surrogacy remain a human issue, as highlighted by the high-profile case of a surrogate who refused to terminate a pregnancy after the intended parents requested it, a legal gray area that can still lead to painful disputes.
Beyond the legal intricacies, those involved in surrogacy are challenging the lingering social stigma attached to it. Portia Zwicker, a mother of one who has been a surrogate twice, has experienced this firsthand. After she posted a celebratory photo shoot on TikTok with the intended gay fathers, she was met with a flood of hurtful comments comparing her situation to the dystopian world of The Handmaid’s Tale. Zwicker, however, dismisses the vitriol, explaining that surrogacy was a positive and fulfilling experience for her. “I wanted to experience pregnancy again but I didn’t want more children,” she said, adding that she never felt a maternal connection to the babies she carried, her psyche knowing they were not hers. Her story, along with the Russes’, highlights the modern reality of family-building, where love, intention, and clear legal agreements create the foundation of a family.
For John Dlugosz, one of the intended fathers in Zwicker’s story, the legalization of surrogacy in New York was the single most transformative event in his quest for fatherhood. He and his husband had watched from the sidelines for years as other same-sex couples crossed state lines to start their families. As a primary care physician, Dlugosz could not leave his practice for extended trips, and they desperately wanted to be involved in every step of the pregnancy. The constant legislative failures made him feel as though fatherhood was simply not in the cards for him. “I always saw myself as a dad and wanted it so badly,” he said. The 2021 law changed everything. For him, it was never an abstract policy issue; it was the key that unlocked his future. “Beyond the politics and the headlines, it’s really about family, promoting hope, and extraordinary people helping other people experience one of life’s greatest joys,” he said. “It meant us becoming dads.”
