Dear Abby: Navigating Modern Relationships and Life Choices
In a heartfelt letter to Dear Abby, an exasperated mother from Texas shares her struggle with her 20-year-old son who lives at home but contributes nothing to the household. Despite working full-time, he pays no rent or expenses, not even his car insurance which he had promised to cover. The situation has escalated as he’s moved his girlfriend and a dog into the home without permission. When the parents attempt to discuss his future plans or household responsibilities, he responds with explosive anger, screaming and punching walls. The son, who struggles with anxiety and depression, has turned to marijuana as self-medication, despite its questionable legal status in Texas. The mother expresses her concern about forcing him to leave, fearing he would end up in an unsafe neighborhood, yet feels trapped in an increasingly untenable situation.
Abby’s response is direct and pragmatic, asking the parents to consider if they want their son to continue living with them indefinitely without assuming any responsibility. She advises them to set a firm deadline for him to move out, having presumably saved enough from his job for an apartment deposit. While acknowledging their concern about less desirable neighborhoods, Abby emphasizes that this consequence would be of his own making. Most importantly, she counsels the parents to stop tolerating violent outbursts, suggesting they call the police if necessary when he damages their property. Abby concludes with a pointed reminder that unless prescribed by a doctor, the son’s marijuana use is illegal in Texas, adding another layer of concern to the situation.
In another letter, a millennial in their early thirties confides in Abby about their decision to remain childless. Their reasoning stems from concerns about the current state of the world – rising costs, social injustices, crime, and global warming – feeling that bringing children into such circumstances would be both “unkind and irresponsible.” However, they express a common worry among those who choose not to have children: who will care for them in old age when they might become immobilized? The letter writer seeks Abby’s thoughts on this dilemma that many childless individuals grapple with as they consider their future.
Abby’s response to the childless millennial is refreshingly straightforward and supportive. She emphatically points out that having children as a form of “old age insurance” is never a guarantee, as many of her readers have learned through painful experience. Instead of depending on hypothetical future caregivers, Abby advises the letter writer to take proactive steps toward securing their own future. She recommends consulting with financial planners and attorneys to establish sufficient assets that will ensure proper care in their later years. This practical advice acknowledges the validity of choosing a childless life while offering constructive solutions to legitimate concerns about aging without family support.
The final letter comes from a woman who files taxes jointly with her husband, but never receives any portion of their tax refund. Despite both spouses working and contributing financially to the household, her husband keeps the entirety of any refund they receive. The letter writer asks Abby how she should feel about this situation and what actions she might take to address this imbalance. Her simple question reveals a potentially deeper issue of financial control or inequality within the marriage, as she appears hesitant to directly confront her husband about money that should, by reasonable standards, be shared between them.
Abby’s response validates the letter writer’s concerns, confirming that as a working contributor to the household finances, she should rightfully expect to share in the tax refund. She identifies the husband’s behavior as “selfish and controlling,” and suggests the wife might reasonably feel frustrated and angry. Abby raises important questions about what happens to the refund money – whether it might be applied to future taxes or used for other purposes – highlighting the lack of transparency in their financial arrangement. She concludes with an empowering yet gentle nudge toward self-advocacy, noting that what the wife should do “depends upon how assertive you are willing to be.” This answer acknowledges both the principle at stake and the complex interpersonal dynamics that often surround money issues in marriages. Through these exchanges, Dear Abby continues her tradition of offering compassionate yet practical advice to readers navigating the complexities of modern relationships and life choices.
