The Hidden Emotional Toll of Modern Dating: Ghosting PTSD

In the bustling streets of New York City, 27-year-old Susannah Hardwick navigates not only the challenges of being a newcomer from the UK but also the emotional minefield of modern dating. Over the past year, the aspiring opera singer has experienced an alarming pattern: approximately 40 men have “ghosted” her—suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation or warning. These abrupt disappearances, from both dating app matches and in-person encounters, have left lasting emotional wounds. “Getting ghosted can really be destructive for your self-worth and self-esteem,” Hardwick confided to The Post from her downtown Manhattan residence. Her experience represents a growing phenomenon that relationship experts are now identifying as “ghosting PTSD,” a form of post-traumatic stress triggered by repeated sudden abandonment during the early stages of potential relationships.

This dating-induced trauma isn’t isolated to Hardwick’s experience. According to recent research from Joi AI, an artificial intelligence-powered relationship platform, there’s been a significant spike in people seeking answers about ghosting online. Their September report revealed that Google searches for phrases like “I got ghosted” and “Why do people ghost” have surged by 198% and 150% respectively in recent weeks. Hardwick herself admits to turning to the internet for support and understanding after her series of romantic disappointments. The pattern became painfully familiar: men would express intense interest—saying things like “I can’t stop thinking about you” or “I want to take things seriously”—only to vanish without explanation, leaving her questioning herself and the sincerity of their initial connection.

Hardwick attributes these relationship failures to the problematic nature of today’s dating landscape, particularly in New York City, which was recently dubbed the “worst” city for singles. She points to toxic dating trends and a widespread reluctance to commit as the root causes of her struggles. The emotional toll has become so significant that she’s recently made the difficult decision to step back from dating altogether. “The constant rejection is a hard pill to swallow,” she explains, highlighting the cumulative effect of these experiences on her emotional wellbeing. What makes ghosting particularly damaging is not just the rejection itself, but the ambiguity it creates—leaving the person wondering what went wrong without any closure or opportunity for growth.

Relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein frames ghosting as “the new epidemic plaguing the dating community,” emphasizing its potential to “rewire” victims’ brains in harmful ways. The psychological impact extends far beyond momentary disappointment, creating lasting changes in how people approach relationships and social interactions. “People who’ve been ghosted are proven to feel anxious and hypervigilant in social contact; their self-esteem plummets,” Bronstein explains. This hypervigilance manifests in overthinking every delayed response or unread message, constantly scanning for signs of impending abandonment. The trauma can become so overwhelming that many people, like Hardwick, retreat from dating platforms altogether in an attempt to protect themselves from further hurt. This self-protective withdrawal, while understandable, can lead to increased isolation and missed opportunities for meaningful connection.

Despite the prevalence of ghosting and its serious psychological consequences, Bronstein assures that recovery is possible. The healing process often requires taking a deliberate break from dating to process emotions and rebuild self-confidence. During this period, it’s important to recognize that being ghosted typically reveals more about the other person’s communication issues and emotional immaturity than any shortcoming in oneself. Practicing self-compassion and reframing the experience as a mismatch rather than a personal failure can help restore a healthy sense of self-worth. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences, either through friends or support groups, can also provide validation and perspective, reminding those affected that ghosting is a widespread phenomenon rather than a reflection of their desirability or value.

For those ready to venture back into the dating world after experiencing ghosting PTSD, Bronstein recommends a gradual, mindful approach. “After a reasonable break in dating communication, you might want to practice it again in low-risk environments, and that’s a great step in dealing with Ghosting PTSD,” she advises. This might involve casual, no-pressure social interactions that rebuild confidence in connecting with new people. She specifically suggests role-playing dating conversations with trusted friends or a therapist as a way to retrain the brain “to expect a healthy connection, not another disappointment.” Setting clear boundaries about communication expectations early in new relationships can also help prevent future ghosting situations. While the landscape of modern dating presents unique challenges, with the right support and self-care strategies, even those who have experienced the pain of repeated ghosting can find their way back to hopeful, healthy connections. For Hardwick and countless others navigating this complex emotional terrain, the path forward involves not only healing past wounds but also cultivating resilience for whatever the dating future may hold.