The Unspoken Struggle of Single Women in Friendship Dynamics

In a viral TikTok video that has resonated with hundreds of thousands of viewers, content creator Ashanti (@unpunishablewoman) articulates a frustration many single women experience but rarely discuss openly. Her message strikes a chord similar to the memorable “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie Bradshaw questions why society celebrates marriages and babies with gifts and registries, but fails to acknowledge the milestones of single women. This disparity in how we value different life paths has sparked an important conversation about reciprocity in adult female friendships and the often unbalanced expectations placed on unmarried women. The overwhelming response to Ashanti’s video suggests she’s tapped into a widespread sentiment that many single women have felt but perhaps couldn’t articulate.

The heart of Ashanti’s argument centers on what she perceives as a fundamental imbalance in friendship dynamics. “Single women are expected to forgive their married female friends for anything. We’re meant to be understanding, ever available, ever accessible,” she explains in her viral video. She points out how unmarried women are routinely expected to invest significant time, money, and emotional energy celebrating their friends’ marriage and motherhood journeys – from engagement parties and destination weddings to baby showers and children’s birthday celebrations. These expectations often come with considerable financial commitments and schedule accommodations. Yet there’s a striking lack of reciprocity when it comes to celebrating or even acknowledging significant moments in single women’s lives, whether that’s a career achievement, moving to a new home, or pursuing personal goals unrelated to marriage and motherhood.

This imbalance extends beyond just celebratory events to the quality of day-to-day interactions. Many single women report that when they do manage to secure time with their married friends, especially those with children, the interactions often feel one-sided. Conversations revolve predominantly around the married friend’s spouse, children, and domestic life, with little genuine interest shown in the single friend’s experiences. Ashanti describes a familiar scenario where married friends seem perpetually distracted during meetups – checking phones, tending to children, or simply not being mentally present for meaningful connection. This creates a dynamic where single women serve as emotional support systems and engaged listeners for their married friends without receiving the same level of attention and care in return.

The comment section of Ashanti’s video reveals how deeply this resonates with other single women, confirming this isn’t an isolated experience but rather a pattern in many adult female friendships. Women share stories of being expected to continually check in on pregnant or child-rearing friends while their own life updates go unacknowledged. Others describe how they’ve stopped sharing vulnerabilities with married friends after realizing their personal struggles were treated more as entertainment than matters warranting genuine concern. The collective frustration expressed in these comments points to a broader cultural issue: the implicit devaluation of single women’s life experiences compared to the traditionally celebrated paths of marriage and motherhood. Many commenters express feeling like they exist merely as supporting characters in their married friends’ life stories rather than protagonists in their own right.

What makes this dynamic particularly painful is that it often represents a shift in once-equal friendships. Many women describe close, reciprocal friendships that fundamentally changed after marriage and children entered the picture. While most single women understand that life circumstances naturally affect availability and priorities, the hurt stems not from the changed circumstances themselves but from the lack of acknowledgment that single women’s lives and milestones are equally worthy of celebration and attention. There’s an unspoken message that until a woman marries or has children, her life achievements exist in a holding pattern – preliminaries to the “real” life events that society collectively values. This perspective fails to recognize that many single women are actively choosing their path rather than simply waiting for marriage or motherhood.

The conversation Ashanti has sparked isn’t about villainizing married women or mothers, but rather about recognizing how cultural narratives about womanhood influence even our closest relationships. The widespread response to her video suggests a need for more balanced friendship dynamics that value various life paths equally. Many commenters expressed relief at hearing their experiences validated, having previously felt guilty for harboring such feelings. The discussion points toward a more nuanced understanding of adult female friendship – one that acknowledges how life stages affect availability while maintaining mutual respect and genuine interest in each other’s distinct journeys. At its core, this viral moment highlights something universal: everyone, regardless of marital status or parental role, desires to be seen, celebrated, and valued for their whole self rather than how they fit into conventional expectations of womanhood. Perhaps this conversation marks the beginning of more authentic connections that honor the diversity of women’s experiences rather than elevating some life paths over others.