Finding Balance: The True Essentials of a Healthy Relationship

In an era of carefully curated social media displays of love, many of us find ourselves questioning whether our relationships measure up. We scroll through endless posts of extravagant surprise proposals, lavish anniversary gifts, and picture-perfect couples trips, wondering if our partnerships are somehow lacking. This constant comparison can leave us feeling inadequate or believing that grand gestures are the true measure of love. But according to relationship experts, we’ve been looking at the wrong indicators all along. Instead of focusing on showy displays that photograph well, we should be evaluating our relationships based on consistent, meaningful behaviors that form the foundation of genuine connection.

“We see grand gestures online, and inevitably compare them to our own relationships,” explains Charisse Cooke, an MNCPS-accredited psychotherapist and dating expert. “It’s tempting to forget how it’s the consistency in small gestures that really brings people closer.” While being surprised with flowers or gifts might feel wonderful in the moment, Cooke emphasizes that the true “bare minimum” in healthy relationships consists of “reliability, attention and mutual respect.” These qualities might not generate likes on Instagram, but they create the security and trust that allow love to flourish. True partnership means both people actively participate in building the relationship—not just one person constantly planning everything. “Bare minimum means both of you take the initiative regularly,” Cooke explains. When your partner says, “I got us tickets to this concert” or “I’ll cook that meal tonight,” they’re demonstrating investment in your shared life together, not just passively enjoying the ride.

Thoughtfulness represents another essential foundation of strong relationships that’s often overlooked in favor of more dramatic demonstrations of affection. This quality manifests in the seemingly small but significant ways we show our partners we’re truly paying attention to their lives. Rather than defaulting to generic questions like “How was your day?” thoughtful partners ask specific questions that reference what’s happening in their loved one’s life: “How did the pitch go?” or “Did you hear back about that application?” These targeted questions demonstrate that you’re mentally present and tracking what matters to your partner. “It shows you care enough to remember the things that matter to them,” Cooke notes. “Avoid chatbot-like conversations at all costs.” This authentic curiosity and attention creates a deeper sense of being seen and valued than any expensive gift possibly could.

The digital representation of your relationship also matters, though perhaps not in the way many assume. The debate around how much couples should post about each other online continues, with valid perspectives on both privacy and public acknowledgment. However, Cooke suggests there’s a baseline expectation worth considering: “Liking half-naked influencers every day and only posting your partner once a month? Anyone will tell you that’s below the line, and they’d be right.” The bare minimum in today’s connected world involves making our partners “a visible part of our digital lives” in some capacity, though this doesn’t necessarily mean daily couple selfies. What matters is consistency between how you present yourself online and the commitment you’ve made offline. The key is finding a balance that respects both your relationship and individual boundaries, while not leaving your partner feeling hidden away or less important than the online personalities you openly admire.

Equal participation in life’s mundane responsibilities represents another critical “bare minimum” that’s rarely celebrated but deeply impactful. Taking initiative on household tasks without being prompted—whether that’s doing laundry, scheduling appointments, or handling errands—demonstrates care through action rather than words. “Mundane tasks are the devil, that’s what also makes them a great opportunity to show you care,” Cooke points out. When one partner consistently “opts out” of these responsibilities, the other is left carrying what experts call “invisible labor”—the mental and physical work required to maintain daily life. This imbalance creates both exhaustion and resentment over time, slowly eroding the foundation of even the most loving relationships. True partnership means seeing what needs to be done and stepping up without being asked, recognizing that these small actions communicate respect and consideration as powerfully as any romantic gesture.

Perhaps most crucial among relationship essentials is the capacity to navigate conflict constructively. Many people mistakenly believe that ideal relationships are those without disagreements, but experts consistently confirm that conflict itself isn’t the problem—it’s how couples handle it that determines relationship health. “Many people expect a perfect couple to never fight at all, while in fact it’s more about having the guts to always circle back after one,” explains Cooke. The true “bare minimum” involves a commitment to repair together rather than letting tensions fester or using silence as punishment. A simple text saying “I was harsh earlier, can we talk?” demonstrates emotional maturity and dedication to the relationship’s wellbeing. This willingness to reconnect after disagreement builds resilience and deeper trust, while prolonged withdrawal signals emotional abandonment that can cause lasting damage. Healthy relationships aren’t defined by an absence of conflict but by the courage to work through difficult feelings together and find your way back to connection.

In evaluating our relationships, we would be wise to shift our focus from comparing external displays to assessing these fundamental behaviors. The “bare minimum” Cooke describes—initiative, thoughtfulness, appropriate online representation, shared responsibility, and conflict repair—creates the environment where love can truly thrive. Rather than measuring your relationship against carefully filtered social media posts, ask whether you and your partner consistently demonstrate these essential qualities. A relationship rich in these fundamentals may not generate viral content, but it provides something far more valuable: authentic connection that sustains itself through life’s inevitable challenges and changes. The most nourishing relationships aren’t necessarily the most photogenic—they’re the ones where both people feel genuinely seen, respected, and supported every day, not just on special occasions designed for public consumption.