The Modern Celibacy Movement: Young Women Reclaiming Intimacy in the Age of Hookup Culture

In a cultural landscape where casual encounters have become the norm, a growing number of young women are taking a stand by embracing celibacy. Mandana Zarghami, a 29-year-old Floridian, deliberately chose to remain celibate for four consecutive years of her twenties. Her reasoning reflects a sentiment echoed by many women of her generation: hookup culture has fundamentally damaged meaningful intimacy. “Hookup culture doesn’t benefit women in any way—it only benefits the man,” Zarghami explains. She believes casual encounters diminish the specialness of finding a genuine connection with someone you truly want to share your life with. This perspective is shared by 29-year-old New Jersey resident Kayla Caputo, who notes that modern dating often positions physical intimacy as the primary goal rather than a meaningful connection, adding that premature physical involvement “clouds your judgment on how you really feel about the person.”

This trend represents what experts are calling America’s “unprecedented sex recession,” particularly among Gen Z and millennial women. Unlike previous abstinence movements driven primarily by religious convictions, today’s young women are choosing celibacy out of frustration with the digital dating landscape and the emotional toll of hookup culture. It’s a modern reinvention of the purity pledge phenomenon that captured celebrities like Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers in the early 2000s, now gaining traction with support from figures such as Lenny Kravitz and Khloé Kardashian. For Zarghami, the decision came after experiencing too many “situationships”—undefined romantic relationships that left her emotionally drained. She recognized that she needed to take accountability for the people she allowed into her life and made a commitment to herself: “until I’m in a committed relationship, I want to be celibate.”

The journey hasn’t been easy. Zarghami admits that the first six months to a year of celibacy were “incredibly hard” because humans naturally crave connection and emotional vulnerability. Nevertheless, her initial one-year commitment extended to four years. After briefly breaking her streak last year with someone who “ultimately wasn’t worth it,” she has returned to her celibate lifestyle. She’s far from alone in this choice. According to the General Social Survey, the percentage of young adults (18-29) reporting no sexual activity has doubled from 12% to 24% between 2010 and 2024. The Institute for Family Studies notes that sexlessness among young adult females specifically has risen by approximately 50%—a statistic that these intentionally celibate women are contributing to. Caputo joins these ranks, having embarked on several periods of abstinence, including her current streak of several months.

Importantly, choosing celibacy doesn’t mean these women have abandoned dating altogether. Rather, they approach potential relationships with refreshing directness about their boundaries. “Typically, if I feel things are going down a path where I’m, like, ‘Oh, they might be expecting something from me,’ I just like to be straightforward and be like, ‘I’m not having sex with you,'” Caputo explains confidently. This upfront approach serves a dual purpose: it allows these women to maintain control of their boundaries while efficiently filtering out partners who are only interested in physical gratification. Dating coach Erika Ettin endorses this strategy, acknowledging the unfortunate double standard that exists but noting that many men ultimately respect women who clearly communicate their boundaries and wait until they feel genuinely ready for intimacy. As she puts it, “It’s also a good gauge of who just wants physical intimacy versus who wants to get to know someone as a person.”

Sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Daniel Lebowitz offers a male perspective on this dynamic, suggesting that what truly attracts men isn’t the “chase” itself but rather the value signaled by selectivity. “Someone who knows their own value and makes someone really show interest in them is indicating that who you are interacting with is picky, but is picking you,” he explains. “Men like to feel special or unique, and if he is the lucky one who gets into her bedroom, it is an indication that he is seen as worthy or valued.” This insight aligns with what many celibate women are discovering: by prioritizing meaningful connection over physical gratification, they often attract partners who value them more deeply.

Beyond reshaping their approach to romantic relationships, these women find that celibacy has enhanced other aspects of their lives. Ema Skauminaite, a 28-year-old travel nurse currently living in Norway who has been celibate for five months, describes the fulfillment she’s found in deeper friendships: “I have several friends who also became celibate. It’s just so giving to be in this tribe and water these friendships and relationships instead of wasting energy, money and time on some Tinder date.” Skauminaite has also discovered unexpected benefits to her celibacy journey, noting significant personal growth and enhanced intuition. “I have learned so much about myself, about relationships, how it works, and how I feel about the whole thing,” she reflects. “Every time I meet someone, I kind of immediately sense what their intentions are.” For these women, celibacy represents not a rejection of intimacy but rather a reclamation of it—a deliberate choice to wait for connections worthy of their full selves, while discovering deeper self-knowledge and stronger platonic bonds along the way.