The “I Don’t” Generation: Women Rethinking Marriage in Modern America

In the heart of New York’s East Village, 29-year-old Karly B. lives happily with her boyfriend of nine years, Matt H., with one firm conviction: she never wants to be someone’s wife. This isn’t a reflection on their relationship – which is loving and committed – but rather a personal choice she made long before meeting him. “I don’t necessarily need a contract that tells me my status with my partner or tells me that I love him more than I would without one,” Karly explains. Unlike many of her peers who dream of wedding dresses and Pinterest-perfect ceremonies, Karly has always been clear about her stance. When questioned about marriage plans, she responds with straightforward honesty: “That’s not something I want for myself” or “We’re never going to do that.” While Matt might prefer marriage if she changed her mind, he’s accepted her position from day one. Their story represents a growing trend among young women who are challenging traditional expectations and crafting relationships on their own terms.

Karly isn’t alone in her perspective. A 2023 Pew Research Center study revealed that nearly half of American women now believe marriage isn’t necessary for a fulfilled life. Relationship coach Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario describes this as “a wave of women either rethinking marriage or skipping it altogether,” prioritizing autonomy and personal fulfillment over traditional expectations. This shift comes as today’s generation of young women are surpassing men in educational achievement, independently purchasing homes at rates that have doubled over the past 40 years, and increasingly reaching executive positions in major corporations. The fundamental question emerging from this evolution is whether marriage still benefits women in 2025. Mike Kocsis, a hormone health expert, notes research suggesting men often gain more health and emotional benefits from marriage, as “they usually receive more support than they give out.” Without balanced responsibilities, he suggests, marriage can appear more advantageous for men than for women.

Thirty-year-old Jess Iacullo, who has been in a loving relationship with her boyfriend Ross Antonich for five years, shares this sentiment. Despite being raised by happily married parents, the New Jersey native and successful business owner never dreamed about weddings or marriage. Her aspirations were always focused on career achievements rather than relationship milestones. Now in her thirties, Iacullo views marriage as potentially limiting her sense of self. “I don’t think I have witnessed many marriages where the woman doesn’t lose herself in the identity of her marriage. Instead of remaining an ‘I,’ she becomes a ‘we,'” she explains. Though they’re committed to spending their lives together, neither Iacullo nor Antonich feel the need for marriage. Their conversations about the future revolve around supporting each other’s career aspirations rather than planning engagements or weddings. Antonich agrees with his partner’s perspective, noting that “Marriage appears to be the best when the parties involved really want it and each other. Its necessity and significance always dwindle when that is not the case.”

Beyond personal identity concerns, many women worry that marriage still inevitably leads to unequal gender roles, regardless of social progress. Iacullo expresses dismay at the expectation that women should cook and clean for their husbands: “Some men really want a girl who will cook and clean for them. So they want to date their mom? I can’t even imagine being with someone who would expect those things.” Dr. Del Rosario explains that women today have more options than previous generations, with economic independence eliminating the need to marry for security. The “emotional labor” many women observed their mothers performing – managing households and everyone’s emotional well-being – appears unappealing without equal partnership. For many women, if marriage is considered, it must come with balanced responsibilities and without sacrificing personal identity. However, not all men share these concerns. A 33-year-old anonymous New Yorker told The Post he finds it “disheartening” that women might dismiss marriage altogether, as many men desire equal partnerships and value marriage as a meaningful celebration of love, not just a legal document.

For some women, like 33-year-old Chloe Bow, the decision to reject marriage came after difficult personal experience. After breaking off an engagement to her long-term partner, Bow realized that marriage didn’t align with her path to happiness. “What I realized was that it wasn’t really translating to my happiness, and I think it would be more of a hindrance,” she explains. This revelation led her to question whether marriage would benefit her at all. As she connected with other women sharing similar viewpoints, both in person and online, Bow recognized she was part of a broader movement of women reconsidering traditional marriage. She reflects that throughout her dating history, she rarely felt the consistent peace and contentment that she now experiences while focusing on herself. “There was always a worry, a stress, an annoyance, or a frustration, and it just never felt as peaceful as it was just focusing on me,” she admits.

Today, women like Bow are creating fulfilling lives centered around self-acceptance rather than societal expectations. Her happiness stems from the independent life she’s built – complete with a new puppy – and activities that bring her joy, whether that’s quiet evenings at home, spending time with friends, or traveling the world. She practices “complete, radical acceptance” of herself without shame or regret about her choices. This perspective reflects a profound shift in how women envision their futures and measure fulfillment. As Bow poignantly states, “If I’m lucky enough to become an old woman and look back on my life, I don’t want to waste a minute worrying that I didn’t enjoy it.” This emerging “I don’t” generation isn’t necessarily rejecting love or commitment – they’re simply redefining what those concepts mean on their own terms, prioritizing personal growth, equal partnership, and authentic happiness over traditional marriage certificates. Their stories represent a significant cultural evolution in how women approach relationships, identity, and life satisfaction in modern America.