The Hidden Cost of Modern Friendship: When Weddings Break Banks and Bonds

In today’s New York and beyond, friendship comes with a hefty price tag—particularly when wedding invitations arrive. Just ask Vira, a 38-year-old Manhattanite who found herself spending nearly $5,000 to serve as a bridesmaid in a dear friend’s wedding. The Harlem resident, who works as an events and partnerships director, spent “the equivalent of a month’s rent” on a destination wedding that included round-trip airfare to New England, accommodation, a mandatory $400 bridesmaid dress, and bachelorette party expenses. The financial strain wasn’t just temporary—it permanently altered her relationship with the bride. “The couple is now divorced—and I’m no longer friends with the bride,” Vira told The Post, pointing to the bitter irony that such financial sacrifice went toward a marriage that didn’t last. Her experience reflects a growing sentiment among wedding attendees who find themselves questioning whether maintaining friendships should require such significant financial commitment, especially considering that roughly 40% of modern marriages end in divorce.

This phenomenon isn’t isolated to New York’s high-cost social scene. According to a 2024 Lending Tree survey, 31% of Americans who attended weddings in the previous five years accumulated debt just to participate in their friends’ special days. The financial burden falls particularly heavily on bridesmaids, who studies show may spend between $1,500 and $2,500 for local weddings, with that figure ballooning to $3,000-$5,000 for destination ceremonies. Pre-wedding festivities like bachelor parties and bridal showers were cited by 74% of those who went into debt as major contributing factors. While Vira managed to avoid going into the red for her friend’s doomed nuptials, the financial strain left a lasting impression. “I have a good job, and I felt stretched,” she explained, adding that it seemed “pretty insane to spend so much money on someone’s wedding with the divorce rate being what it is.” Her story illustrates a troubling reality: the social obligation to participate in increasingly elaborate wedding celebrations is placing unreasonable financial pressure on friendships, sometimes breaking both budgets and bonds.

Financial experts recognize this growing tension between friendship obligations and financial wellbeing. Jack Howard, an accredited financial counselor and head of money and wellness at Ally Bank, acknowledges having “felt the stretch” himself when facing back-to-back wedding invitations. He suggests finding balance rather than completely rejecting these important life moments. “Sometimes that means saying ‘no’ to one event but showing up for another, or finding low-cost gifts that carry strong sentimental meanings,” Howard advised. For those who feel guilty declining invitations, he recommends practical approaches like creating dedicated “wedding fund” savings accounts, splitting gift costs with other guests, or—perhaps most challenging but necessary—having transparent conversations with the couple about financial limitations. These strategies aim to preserve both relationships and financial health in an era when wedding celebrations have expanded from single-day events to elaborate multi-day affairs, often in exotic and expensive locations.

Kara Perez, a 37-year-old Massachusetts-based author, successfully navigated this difficult terrain when faced with potentially spending $2,000 on a lifelong friend’s wedding while living in North Carolina. Rather than silently struggling or declining altogether, Perez opted for honest communication. “I told the bride, ‘Hey, I love you so much, and I’m so thrilled that you’re getting married, but I can’t attend all these events,'” Perez recalled telling her friend. “‘Money is tight. I’ll only be able to make it to the wedding.'” This difficult conversation allowed her to pare down her expenses to $1,300—still a substantial sum that required dipping into her vacation savings, but significantly less than the full participation cost. Perez’s experience, which she shared in a viral social media post, resonated with many who agreed that guest expenses for modern weddings have reached “crazy” heights, particularly with the increasing popularity of “wedding weekends” and international destination ceremonies that require multiple days of travel, accommodations, and activities.

While Perez doesn’t harbor resentment toward couples whose weddings come with high price tags for guests, she does reflect on the potentially unbalanced nature of these social exchanges. Having been with her partner for 11 years without immediate marriage plans, she wonders about the “lopsided” obligation she’s fulfilled throughout her adult life. “If I do decide to get married in two years, I wonder if people wouldn’t come because their money is tied up in their homes and kids and families,” she mused. Her observation highlights how life priorities naturally shift as people age—mortgages, children, and other family responsibilities gradually take precedence over spending thousands on friends’ celebrations. As the cost of living continues to rise, discretionary spending on social obligations becomes increasingly difficult to justify, even for those with strong emotional attachments to the people sending invitations.

The evolving landscape of friendship in relation to financial obligations raises important questions about how we maintain meaningful connections in an era of lavish celebrations and escalating costs. The traditional expectation that friends should participate in each other’s milestone events regardless of personal financial circumstances is becoming increasingly unrealistic. Stories like Vira’s and Perez’s illustrate both the risks of financial overextension (damaged relationships, resentment) and the potential benefits of honest communication about limitations. As wedding culture continues to embrace more elaborate and expensive formats, friends are forced to make difficult choices about where to draw financial boundaries. Perhaps the healthiest approach lies in redefining what it means to “be there” for someone—recognizing that genuine friendship isn’t measured by dollars spent or events attended, but by the authentic support we offer each other through life’s journey, including the understanding that financial wellbeing is a valid priority for everyone involved.