Dear Abby: Workplace Dilemmas, Memory Reflections, and Church Etiquette
In the first letter to Dear Abby, a workplace predicament unfolds that many can relate to in our post-pandemic world. A team member describes their close-knit office environment as “functioning like a small family” – no drama, no politics, just a harmonious atmosphere. However, this balance has been disrupted by their colleague Erin, who has continued working remotely since COVID-19 while everyone else returned to the office. This arrangement has created resentment among the team who feel the situation is unfair, though no one has directly addressed these feelings with Erin. The situation became more complicated when the writer discovered Erin had secretly accepted a new job without informing their boss. Despite Erin’s request for confidentiality, the writer informed their manager about Erin’s plans, and now feels caught in a web of deceit. Abby responded supportively, noting that in many places, accepting another job while still employed could be grounds for termination, and reassured the writer that informing the boss demonstrated company loyalty rather than deceit.
The second letter comes from a person approaching 70 who finds themselves unexpectedly haunted by memories of past conversations where they wish they had responded differently. These recollections have begun to surface with surprising frequency, and the writer can’t seem to stop dwelling on what they should have said in these moments. This phenomenon is particularly frustrating for someone who describes themselves as never being “quick about responding to things.” The memories continue to emerge unbidden, leaving the writer confused about why this is happening now and how to make it stop. Abby offered practical advice, suggesting that perhaps the writer has too much free time, which allows these thoughts to take hold. She recommended redirecting thoughts when these memories surface and embracing the wisdom that while we cannot change the past, we can learn from it to make better choices in the future. For persistent troubling thoughts leading to depression or anxiety, Abby suggested that speaking with a therapist might be beneficial.
The third letter presents an interesting question about religious etiquette. A longtime reader and admirer of Abby’s advice on proper manners inquired about something their Catholic priest had shared regarding Mass attendance: “Don’t cross your legs. Crossing your legs is considered a disrespectful posture.” The writer expressed confusion, noting that while they appreciate good manners and posture, this particular guideline was unfamiliar to them. This sort of question exemplifies how cultural and religious expectations can sometimes be unclear, even to devoted practitioners, and how people often turn to trusted advice columnists for clarification on matters of social protocol they’re unsure about.
Abby’s response to the church etiquette question demonstrated her characteristic blend of cultural awareness and practical sensibility. She acknowledged that this was also new information to her, but explained that in some Orthodox cultures outside North America, crossing one’s legs is indeed considered very disrespectful. However, she clarified that in American culture, while not taboo, leg-crossing in church might be viewed as “too casual and relaxed” for the setting. This nuanced response highlights how etiquette rules can vary significantly across different cultural contexts, and how understanding these differences can help us navigate social situations with greater sensitivity and awareness.
These letters to Dear Abby capture universal human experiences: workplace tensions, regrets about past interactions, and uncertainty about social expectations. The workplace letter reminds us of the complex dynamics that emerged as companies navigated remote work policies during and after the pandemic, creating potential inequities that can strain otherwise harmonious teams. The memory letter speaks to something many people experience as they age – a tendency to revisit past moments with new perspective, sometimes accompanied by wishes that we had acted differently. And the question about church etiquette reminds us that even in familiar cultural institutions, there can be unwritten rules we’re unaware of.
Dear Abby, a column founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, has for decades provided thoughtful guidance on life’s dilemmas both large and small. The enduring popularity of advice columns like Dear Abby speaks to our fundamental human need for guidance, perspective, and the comfort of knowing others face similar challenges. Whether navigating workplace ethics, processing memories, or understanding cultural norms, we all occasionally need someone to illuminate the path forward with wisdom and compassion – a role that Dear Abby continues to fill for readers across generations.
