Dear Abby’s Advice on Asexuality and Baby Names

The Asexual Journey: Embracing Identity While Navigating Family Expectations

A young college student from the Midwest has been quietly grappling with their asexuality for two years, carefully keeping it from their conservative, religious family. They feel increasingly disconnected from their siblings’ dating experiences, noting how different their own romantic journey has been—never dating anyone twice while watching their brothers form lasting relationships. This disconnect has led them to consider coming out to a select group of college peers, though anxiety surrounds this decision. Adding complexity to their situation, their family has planned a road trip for them to visit someone they met through a dating app who lives nine hours away, creating pressure about potentially disappointing both this potential partner and their family if their asexuality becomes known. Dear Abby advises patience, suggesting they postpone any grand announcements until they feel truly comfortable. She reminds the letter writer that asexuality isn’t a sin and shouldn’t conflict with religious beliefs, while pointing them toward online resources and dating sites specifically for asexual individuals where they might find more compatible relationships.

When Baby Names Cross the Line: A Friend’s Concern for an Unborn Child’s Future

In another letter, a concerned friend describes their predicament with a pregnant acquaintance named “Cindy” who has developed a concerning pattern of choosing inappropriate baby names. The friend explains how Cindy gravitates toward words she finds phonetically pleasing without considering their meanings or implications for her daughter’s future. Most alarmingly, Cindy had seriously considered naming her daughter “Chlamydia,” relenting only after the friend’s persistent explanations about the inevitable bullying such a name would cause. Now, Cindy has fixated on “Cliche” as her preferred name, having also previously suggested “Bidet” and “Chalet.” The letter writer expresses frustration that Cindy’s family seems equally oblivious, even supporting the STD-inspired name because it “sounds lovely.” The friend feels increasingly labeled as “hypercritical” for these objections but remains motivated by concern for an innocent child who might face ridicule throughout life because of a thoughtlessly chosen name.

The Delicate Balance of Identity, Family, and Personal Truth

The asexual letter writer’s situation highlights the challenging intersection of personal identity, family expectations, and social acceptance. Many young adults today find themselves navigating similar terrain, particularly those whose sexual orientations or gender identities differ from family expectations. The emotional weight of concealing one’s true self while participating in family rituals designed around heteronormative assumptions (like the dating app road trip) creates significant internal conflict. Dear Abby’s advice acknowledges this difficulty while taking a measured approach—suggesting neither confrontation nor permanent concealment, but rather a thoughtful timeline based on the letter writer’s own readiness. This balanced guidance recognizes both the importance of authentic self-expression and the complex reality of family relationships, especially those with religious dimensions. Many young adults in similar situations might find comfort in Abby’s reminder that building a support system outside the family can provide strength and validation during this journey.

The Social Responsibility of Naming: When Friendship Requires Uncomfortable Truths

The baby naming dilemma illustrates how deeply personal choices can have lasting social consequences, and how friendship sometimes requires speaking uncomfortable truths. Names carry tremendous power throughout a person’s life—affecting first impressions, job opportunities, and social interactions. The friend’s persistence in objecting to inappropriate names demonstrates genuine care for the unborn child’s wellbeing, even at the cost of straining their friendship with Cindy. This situation raises questions about the boundaries of parental autonomy in naming versus social responsibility. While parents have the legal right to name their children almost anything, this freedom comes with the ethical obligation to consider how that name will affect their child’s life experiences. Cindy’s dismissal of these concerns as “hypercritical” reveals a concerning prioritization of her aesthetic preferences over her daughter’s future social wellbeing, placing her friend in the difficult position of being the sole voice of reason in a situation where the stakes are a lifetime of potential embarrassment for an innocent child.

Finding Community in Difference: The Power of Shared Experience

Both letters, though addressing different issues, underscore the importance of community for those navigating life’s unique challenges. The asexual college student stands at the threshold of potentially discovering others who share their orientation—a powerful antidote to the isolation they’ve felt within their family. Dear Abby wisely points them toward asexual communities and dating resources, recognizing that finding others with similar experiences can provide validation and guidance that even well-meaning family members cannot. Similarly, the concerned friend in the second letter might benefit from connecting with others who have successfully navigated difficult conversations with expectant parents about naming choices. In both cases, shared experience offers perspectives that can illuminate paths forward when conventional wisdom falls short. The internet has revolutionized the formation of such communities, allowing people with uncommon experiences to find each other across vast distances. This connectivity represents one of the most powerful resources available to both letter writers as they navigate their respective challenges.

Moving Forward with Compassion: Balancing Honesty and Understanding

As both letter writers move forward, the path to resolution likely involves balancing honest expression with compassion for others’ perspectives. For the asexual college student, this might mean gradually introducing their identity to trusted family members while acknowledging that understanding may take time. They might consider educating their family about asexuality when ready, perhaps sharing resources that explain this orientation in terms that respect their family’s religious framework. For the concerned friend, continued advocacy for the unborn child might include offering positive alternatives—as Dear Abby suggests with her list of beautiful Greek names—rather than simply criticizing Cindy’s choices. Both situations require courage tempered with patience, recognizing that meaningful change rarely happens overnight. The wisdom in Abby’s closing advice to the concerned friend applies broadly to both situations: after offering your best guidance with sincerity and care, there comes a point where you must step back, allowing others the dignity of making their own choices—even when those choices differ from what you believe is best. This balance between advocacy and acceptance represents one of life’s most challenging and important skills.