Navigating Challenging Relationships: Insights from Dear Abby
In the intricate dance of human relationships, we often find ourselves in situations that are difficult to navigate. The beloved advice column “Dear Abby,” founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips under the pen name Abigail Van Buren, continues to provide guidance for these complex interpersonal scenarios. Two recent letters to Dear Abby highlight common relationship dilemmas that many of us might recognize in our own lives: the obligatory maintenance of superficial connections and the challenge of supporting loved ones through difficult times.
The first letter comes from “Flummoxed in Florida,” who describes a peculiar relationship with an acquaintance named Stacy. Despite having moved away years ago, Stacy sends periodic messages claiming she “wants to keep in touch,” yet these communications are remarkably empty—containing little more than greetings and perfunctory responses like “been busy” when asked about her life. The writer has made numerous attempts to share personal details about their work, hobbies, spouse, and travels, but Stacy never acknowledges these disclosures or reciprocates with information about her own life. This one-sided interaction has left the writer questioning whether it would be impolite to simply stop responding after all these years. Dear Abby’s response is refreshingly straightforward: it would not be rude to cease communication. Abby observes that Stacy appears to be sending generic messages to “keep her contacts warm” without genuine interest in meaningful connection. The advice validates what many of us sometimes need to hear—we are not obligated to maintain relationships that lack authenticity and reciprocity.
The second letter presents a more heart-wrenching situation from “Loving Cousin in New Mexico,” who is deeply concerned about their cousin Carly. The two share a special bond, having both distanced themselves from toxic family members, including their mothers (who are sisters) and their siblings. Recently, Carly has endured a series of devastating losses: a bitter divorce, a failed business, the tragic death of one son, another son lost to substance abuse, and a daughter who has aligned with her father and treats Carly with unkindness on the rare occasions they interact. The writer suspects the daughter’s coldness is related to Carly’s diminished financial circumstances—”kicking her mom while she’s down.” Carly is understandably depressed and grappling with the unfairness of her situation. Though facing financial constraints themselves, the writer tries to support Carly with daily text check-ins and practical advice for handling her business troubles and emotional challenges.
The concerned cousin’s plea to Dear Abby is touching in its sincerity: “What advice can I give her?” The writer worries because Carly seems to have no one else—her fair-weather friends have disappeared along with her business success, and her remaining family members have drifted away. Abby’s response acknowledges the valuable emotional support already being provided and suggests two additional offerings: presence and hope. If possible, scheduling in-person time with Carly might lift her spirits. And sometimes, when someone is at their lowest, the most precious gift is a reminder that better days may lie ahead—that “when one door closes, another may open,” bringing opportunities to apply the hard-won wisdom gained through difficulty. As for the agonizing question “why me?” that plagues so many during hard times, Abby offers a perspective that speaks to universal human experience: setbacks happen to everyone, and the challenge is to learn from our mistakes rather than repeat them.
These exchanges from Dear Abby’s column remind us of essential truths about human connection. The first is that authenticity matters—relationships sustained through hollow gestures ultimately provide little satisfaction and may not be worth maintaining. We have permission to let go of connections that have become mere formalities. The second truth is that genuine support during difficult times doesn’t always require financial resources or solutions to every problem. Sometimes, consistent presence, daily check-ins, and offering hope for the future are the most valuable forms of care we can provide to those we love who are suffering.
In a world where social media has redefined what it means to “keep in touch” and where economic pressures and family dynamics can quickly isolate individuals during crises, these insights from Dear Abby remain remarkably relevant. The column continues to serve as a mirror reflecting our common struggles and a compass pointing toward more authentic and compassionate ways of relating to one another. Whether we’re questioning the value of superficial acquaintanceships or seeking to support loved ones through devastating losses, the guidance offered through this enduring advice column reminds us that navigating relationships with honesty and empathy is both challenging and essential to our shared human experience.
As we reflect on these letters and responses, we might consider our own relationships: Which connections in our lives are genuine and reciprocal? Which have become obligatory exercises? And for those we truly care about who are suffering, how might we offer not just practical advice but also the gifts of presence and hope? In asking these questions, we honor the legacy of Dear Abby’s wisdom while forging paths toward more meaningful connections in our own lives.
