Billie Lourd’s Journey Through Grief: Nine Years After Carrie Fisher’s Passing

In a touching reflection shared on Instagram, Billie Lourd marked the ninth anniversary of her mother Carrie Fisher’s death with heartfelt memories and insights into her ongoing journey through grief. Now 33, Lourd described a poignant morning with her three-year-old daughter Jackson Joanne, who woke earlier than usual and laid her head on Billie’s chest. “She looked up at me with her big soulful eyes and said ‘I love you mama’ and grabbed my face with her little chubby hands and kissed me,” Lourd wrote. This sweet morning ritual, which happens “pretty much every morning,” has become one of Lourd’s most cherished moments. During this tender exchange, Billie told her daughter how much her “grandmomby” would have loved her, prompting another kiss from the little girl. These quiet moments of connection have become a lifeline for Billie as she navigates life without her famous mother, creating new family traditions while honoring Fisher’s memory.

The anniversary day was spent watching Billie’s father, Hollywood talent agent Bryan Lourd, playing with her children—Jackson Joanne and five-year-old son Kingston Fisher. Billie described this sight as “one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known,” creating the kind of happiness “that makes your face hurt because you can’t stop smiling.” In these moments of pure family connection, Lourd had a profound realization about her mother’s continued presence: “This joy wouldn’t be possible without my mom. This joy only exists because she existed.” This insight represents a transformative understanding of grief for Billie—recognizing that while her mother is not physically present in these joyful moments, she remains fundamentally part of their creation and experience. The actress has found a way to see her mother’s legacy continuing through the happiness she now experiences with her own children.

Grief, as Lourd eloquently described, “takes on many shapes” but has evolved for her into what she calls a “bittersweet grieful joy.” She acknowledges that her feelings “could and will change shapes multiple times throughout this day because grief is never just one thing.” This nuanced understanding of loss reflects the maturity with which Lourd has processed her mother’s sudden death in 2016, which was followed just one day later by the passing of her grandmother, legendary actress Debbie Reynolds. The double tragedy might have overwhelmed many, but Lourd has found wisdom in her mother’s words: “Nothing is ever really over. Just over there.” This perspective allows Billie to feel her mother’s continued presence in her life, especially through her children and the joy they bring: “My mombys life isnt really over. Just over there—in my kids and in this joy I’m able to experience because of her.”

The circumstances of Fisher’s death at age 60 added layers of complexity to Billie’s grief journey. After suffering cardiac arrest on a London-to-Los Angeles flight following a book tour, Fisher passed away on December 27, 2016. A coroner’s report later revealed that Fisher had cocaine, heroin, other opiates, and MDMA in her system at the time of her death. Earlier this year, on what would have been Fisher’s 68th birthday, Lourd addressed her mother’s longtime struggle with addiction. “I did everything in my power to help my mom get sober but sadly my mom couldn’t ever escape her addiction,” she shared on Instagram. Despite this painful reality, Billie found meaning in how her mother used her struggles: “While she was alive she always shared the ups and downs of that struggle with others in hopes it would help them escape their own addiction.” This perspective has helped Lourd transform her personal pain into compassion for others affected by addiction, as she reached out to followers: “Sending my love to anyone out there who has lost someone to drug addiction. You are not alone.”

As Billie continues building her own career in the entertainment industry, she’s been thoughtful about her place in a family of Hollywood icons. While acknowledging certain inherited traits—”definitely the comedy is in the genetics” and “a fair bit of tap dancing”—she has worked to establish her own identity apart from the towering legacies of both her mother and grandmother. “I’m a very distinct personality, definitely different from both of them,” she told People magazine in March. Perhaps most significantly, Lourd noted: “I think I’ve learned to balance my life and my work in a different way than they were able to do, and that was also a product of the times.” This balance appears evident in how she prioritizes family moments while still pursuing her acting career, which has included roles in “Scream Queens,” “American Horror Story,” and following in her mother’s footsteps by appearing as Lieutenant Connix in the Star Wars sequel trilogy alongside Fisher.

In sharing her ongoing grief journey so openly, Billie Lourd has created something beautiful from immense loss. Her reflections reveal a woman who has not merely survived tragedy but found ways to integrate it into a life filled with meaning and joy. The honest way she discusses both the pain and unexpected gifts that come with losing a beloved parent resonates deeply with many who have experienced similar losses. Through her children, her work, and her willingness to share her emotional journey, Lourd ensures that Carrie Fisher’s spirit continues to influence the world. As she concluded in her anniversary post: “Thank you momby. I will never stop missing you.” In these simple words, Billie captures both the permanence of loss and the enduring power of love—a testament to how grief, when fully embraced, can transform into a different kind of presence that continues to shape and enrich our lives.